Freewrite: Swim to the moon

Swim to the moon
Day/Theme: August 18th - "I was as hollow and empty as the spaces between stars."

Character/Pairing: N/A
Rating: K+
A/N: 20 minute freewrite session

Twilight.  It's so humid that my skin sticks together where it creases and my itchy white dress has become soft from my sweat and clings to me.  I probably have pit stains.  Scratch that.  I know I have pit stains.  Misquitos keep landing on the back of my knees, my wrist, and my neck - all of the little places that I dabbed perfume into this morning.  I thought I had lost it all to the heat and beach waves, but the misquitoes still smelled it.

A particularly plucky one buzzes in my ear, its vibrations solid and sharp in the otherwise quiet beach.  Everyone else has gone home already.  Families packed up their children and left behind the drooping sandcastles and empty juice boxes from their day.  Everything smells like fish.  Except for me, I guess I still smell like gardenia.

Something hoots into the night.  There's a crash of laughter further down the sand.  Boys come in a group.  They drop sweaty cases of beer onto the dirt.  They move up and down the beach collecting pieces of driftwood.  This is what I came for, but I remain imobile.  The sand is gritty between my toes and warm under my thighs.

Before they start the fire I look at the stars.  They're beaming and brilliant and so cold and far away that a shiver works its way down my spine.  I'm in the water chasing them before I even think about it.  Moving away from the light of the fire and the distraction of wild boys and the comfort of shore, I kick out into the black water.  I feel closer to the moon here.  In between the rolling waves the flat water reflects a black sky and the twinkling stars.

Warm water splashes against my chest, which feels as empty as the space between the stars.  The water is a living mirror.  All I can smell and taste is fish.  A miquito stings the back of my neck and I twirl around.  Shane is staring at me from the shore.  He'll smell like smoke and bud light by now and if I'm lucky he might taste like marshmallows.  The fire shines behind his head making a halo of his blond hair.  I might have gotten new freckles today and I wonder if he'll notice them.

My toes squish into the soft sand as I end my impromptu swim.  Belatedly, I realize I didn't take my dress off.  I had sweat stains anyway.

- - -

I'm getting back into the writing game with Sarah Selecky's The Story Course.  The first lesson is on Free Writing, and I already feel better.  This is in no way polished.  It doesn't even really look like a story.  But I love playing with language and trying to find some way to share emotion through words and it feels so good to write something.

(no subject)

1) Value your Time:
Don't waste it.  Empty hours (like netflix hours and laying in bed hours) are wasted hours. They're like empty calories: they feel good in your throat, but shitty on your waste.

2) Junk food makes you feel like shit.  Eat healthy foods exclusively.  Let chocolate do infrequent cameos when you're feeling down.

3) Exercise feels good; if not at first then after two weeks of practice when it all starts to come together.  You don't HAVE to follow a routine.  You don't HAVE to work out only in the mornings.  Do what you want when you're ready to do it.

4) Don't feel bad or guilty when you mess up.  People don't really care if you stutter a bit or if you sometimes mishear them.  Don't freak out.  Your entire existence doesn't hang in the balance of any single conversation.

5) That said, don't be afraid to talk about the good things about you either.  It's not really bragging, and it's more fun to hear about someone's good times than about how shitty they feel or what their problems are.  It's OK to say nice things about yourself.  Don't be defensive, just be real.

6) You're worth also isn't determined by your grades.  Obviously having good grades is great, but if you mess up, it's OK.  If something isn't perfect, it doesn't mean that you aren't perfect.  Be calm when writing your papers.  Just work hard and be calm.

7) Life isn't a competition.  If someone else does better, or graduates first, or has a perfect relationship it's not about you, it's about them.  They aren't comparing themselves to you and you shouldn't either.

You can only do what you can do.  Keep pushing forward so that you can do more.  

21 life lessons from a fairy-girl

I've been 21 for almost a week now, so here are 21 things I've learned in my life.

1) You can't force people to love you
2) Appreciate what you have while you have it
3) The only thing that can't be changed is the past, so don't dwell on it
4) Don't cling to childhood, or you will be left behind
5) Do what makes you happy, but don't forget that there needs to be balance in life.  It can't all be sunshine and rainbows.
6) Don't romanticize depression.  There's nothing beautiful about panic attacks or a lack of motivation and it doesn't make you more beautiful or more interesting.  It only makes things harder.
7) You are allowed to change your mind about things.  You are allowed to change as a person without feeling guilty.
8) Take up as much space as you want.  You can't make yourself disappear by being quiet.
9) If you make something, you are an artist.  End of story.
10) Parents are people.  They aren't perfect and they can't live their lives just for your benefit.
11) Don't be afraid to ask questions.  Don't be afraid to argue.
12) Breathe in a way that fills up your whole body.
13) You don't need to do everything at once.  Don't feel guilty if you don't have time for everything.  Take pride in what you do get done instead of regretting what you didn't have time for.
14) Bad habits are easy to make but hard to break
15) Dogs make the world a better place
16) Material things won't solve your problems
17) People are fluid.  They grow and change and so do your relationships with them.
18) Delete your Tumblr
19) You can't make yourself happier, healthier, or more confident by faking it, but practicing does make it better
20) Contrary to popular belief, you do need to try.  Making an effort can be difficult, but things won't get better if you don't do the work.

And finally, for year 21)  Always be friendly, even if you don't feel like it.  Making other people feel good makes you feel good, so do it.

I love make-up

It isn't just about looking good.  It's a big part of my daily routine.  The act of putting it on makes me feel energized and confident, even if I just sit around on the computer all day and no one actually sees me.

I've been trying to avoid wearing it more than necessary because my eyes have been weird and stinging and flakey and stuff lately and it just leaves me feeling so... blah.  I really can't wear anything until it clears up, but it makes it difficult to do anything because I feel like I missed a big step in my morning routine.

I've been really sulky and ranty lately, and it's because I'm missing my warpaint and my protective layer of glittery stuff.  I don't know how to function without at least doing to basics.  But the basics make my face sting.

The moral of this post is to never underestimate the power of red lipstick.


Hey guys~

I made a dreamwidth community for my fanfiction because I wanted to get organized and put it all in one place.  If anyone's interested in taking a look, lemontreeleaves has every fanfic I've ever completed going back to 2009.  :)  I'm making one for my original writing too, but I still have some work to do with it before I share it.

Dreamwidth is like Livejournal without all of the bullshit.  There doesn't seem to be much going on there yet, but if anyone is interested in finding another place to write/archive their stuff, I would definitely recommend checking it out.